its like bloody 4am and im blogging. i must be going mad. well i've been an unappreciative and a total bitch to my mum. i only told her that i was gonna send chong aik off when i got there. she got totally pissed cause i didnt tell her beforehand and i probably should have although it was like bloody late i didnt get kidnapped i didnt get raped i didnt get robbed i told my grandma before i left and my mum just called me stupid caused i just could not get the concept of telling her beforehand and like i postponed tuition that night because i had like 4 hours of tuition that idiot afternoon and she said that i postponed tuition because i wanted to send chong aik off like f**king hell i didnt mean it that way so f**k she would've let me go and she made it sound that i didnt appreciate her and i treated her like a fool i mean like i feel like shit when im the last one to know about the bloody plans for the weekends like i didnt feel important when she told me that i was going to watch the competition alone like f**k its alright to shout at me when i tell her something after i done it but i gotta get my heart broken when she tells me that i'll be alone when i'd bloody like to spend the night watching the competition with her f**k its alright not to tell me the reason why she wasnt going to watch but its not f**king alright for me to send a friend off at the airport without tellin her the worst thing is that i've lost the motivation to study cause she called me stupid and maybe i am cause she thinks that i have no moral values well maybe she's right lah whatever im doing maybe just a show i dont know if im dead or if im alive i dont know if i have soul its like ive lost all sense of myself f**k it i think that its common sense that you would want to send a friend off at the airport if they're going to compete overseas like i dont have feelings i hated stuffing all the bloody chicken rice and soup and everything down my throat at dinner lucky she wasnt there so what if you cooked dinner for me grandma cooks dinner for us most of the time and she cleans the house most of the time and she buys us food most of the time f**k i hate this yes shina has no moral values shina is stupid cause she doesnt get the concept of telling her mum that she's going out beforehand fine fine fine fine fine fine like f**k it whatever